Maybe you have had yet another one of those same arguments, where you both end up feeling defeated and pull away from each other in silence. You know how the story goes, where one of you feels upset and voices your concerns, only to be met with more anger and frustration. You go round and round with one another, arguing until one of you leaves the fight, overwhelmed by frustration and hurt. There is never a solution, just “sweep it under the rug” and keep going through the motions of each day, with the hurt piling up to the point of losing trust in your relationship.

Perhaps it has been so long since you felt like “us” that getting back on the same team feels impossible. You remember a time when you felt so close and happy to have found your person, yet now everything feels like a hassle and hard work just to communicate with each other. You may be feeling alone in your relationship, like you don’t truly know one another anymore, and aren’t sure you have what it takes to make this work.

Perhaps intimacy— both emotional and sexual— are things of the past in your relationship. You feel lost and disconnected from each other, and are losing faith that your partner really cares about you and wants to make you their priority. You both have unmet needs, and asking for what you want in the relationship only leads to more arguments and distancing.